Why is teaching your child how to be self-sufficient important you might ask? It is the difference between raising a co-dependent child vs. an independent one. Do not mistake self-sufficiency with self-centeredness though, they are two very different things altogether.
Some children may like to live attached to the umbilical cord and some moms or parents may not mind :) However, if you want to raise your child to be successful in relationships, careers, and or education, it would be wise to give your child the tools and ability to be resilient against tough times, rough times and the unknown.
How will your son or daughter handle his/her relationship with you, friends, significant other?How will your child handle finances or career,
consequences of their actions? Will they call on you to come to their rescue
every time they need to pay their phone bill, the rent, their car payment? Will they live co-dependent to an unhealthy relationship because they do not know their self-worth or because they don't know when to say "enough is enough", or because they believe they can't survive on their own.
Don't get me wrong, teaching him how to ask for help when he is learning something new or doing something good is one thing, teaching him that you will bail him out of the consequences of his actions when he has disobeyed you or done something wrong is another :) Learning how to ask for help when he doesn't know how to do something will teach him humility. It is how he will learn to go to God in time of need.
Studies show that what a child learns in the first 7 years of life, will be the foundation to his personality for the rest of his life. The first 4 years where your child's brain elasticity is at its peek to learn, it is when you have the greatest window of opportunity to teach your child about all that may seem simple things but are the most important. Such as, obedience, trust, respect, independence, generosity, self-sufficiency, even humility among other things (language, etc..).
Lets start with the first and most important lesson your child will learn in the first year of his life;
TRUST.Believe it or not, teaching your child to
TRUST you is the foundation for all other things like
obedience and respect. Your baby needs to learn that his needs will be met by you, that he can
trust you to feed him when his hungry, to change his diaper when his wet, to soothe him when he is in pain. By
anticipating your baby's needs, you can avoid training him to cry and throw tantrums
every time he needs or wants something.
This does not mean your child will never cry, that's unavoidable. However, you
can teach him that he does not need to
DEMAND things from you because he has learned to trust that you will come to take care of him when he needs you.
The key to this is teaching him a very simple cognitive skill...
OBJECT PERMANENCE. Meaning, he will learn that when he can no longer see you, or any object for that matter, it doesn't mean that it's not there or it doesn't exist. When you have successfully taught him this, he will understand that you
WILL COME BACK when you leave the room, and therefore, trust you to fulfill his needs. You can start teaching him this, the day he's home from the hospital.. never to early to start.
How do you teach him this??? Well with
PEEK-A-BOO of course!! Silly question! Take a blanky and put it over your head and ask him "WHERE IS MOMMY?" Then provide him with a very witty answer.."..HERE I AM!!!". Then switch and put the blanket on him... and ask him "WHERE IS ___________", and then of course, you show him by pulling the blanket off his head. That's of course if he hasn't beat you to it!..
It would be preferable to use a blanky because making your whole head disappear is not the same as just covering your face with your hands when he can still see you :) Not to mention it will teach him not to panic if and when he accidentally pulls his blanky over his face... I would find Jordan giggling and laughing with his blanky over his face because he trusted I would pull it off him any minute with a funny "PEEK-A-BOO" face!
What does
OBJECT PERMANENCE have to do with
SELF-SUFFICIENCY?? It is the first step to teaching him to
SELF-SOOTHE :) Self-soothing is a parent's best friend at midnight. If you want your baby to learn how to self-soothe, one of the keys to teaching him this is through
OBJECT PERMANENCE...consistently!
I know this is somewhat a lot to digest for now, so I will leave you with these thoughts and will continue my postings on this subject when I'm not falling asleep!
Good night.. and may you sleep all night!
